Love Now, Hurt Later
by iffulovedme
Summary: AU ItaKaka,SasuNaru,ItaSasu. Rated M for some chapters. Itachi and Sasuke have returned to their old neighborhood. Old memories resurface and confrontations are unavoidable. The Uchiha brothers were looking for quiet, but they might've found love instead.
1. Chapter 1

_The three of us are running around. Two dark mops of hair and one head of golden curls. I don't know what we're doing exactly, but we're having a lot of fun. The grass is wet beneath our feet, the sun hot and beating down on us. We're laughing at something, at everything. Itachi throws his head back and sends his dark shoulder length hair flying in all directions. He takes turns giving me and Naruto piggy back rides. We have to stop, panting, and lie down under the tree. We're young and invincible._

_Then the scene shifts. And Itachi is crying. His back is to me but I know instantly that it's not allergies._

_All of a sudden I'm sad, but I can't remember why._

"Sasuke?"

I hear a voice calling me. Itachi. I blink my eyes a couple of times, yawning. I'm sitting in the front and Itachi of course is driving. I look over at him, trying to subtly rub my eyes and clear the sleep. To make it seem as though I'm awake, I ask, "Are we there yet?"

It's an irritating question and I half expect Itachi to blow up at me. But he doesn't, which is nice for a change. Itachi's known for being cool and collected. Hah. If only they knew. I bet they do, though. Everyone wants to be close to Itachi. Maybe because he's rich, maybe because he's obscenely good looking. Whatever. Itachi does that thing with his eyes where they almost squint at you and make you feel very small and unimportant. And people stay away. I'm the only one he's let in. It's not a picnic by any means but we're family.

"This place looks really familiar. Itachi, please tell me that we're not driving around in circles." I try to joke with Itachi on a regular basis because the guy's frigid. Which of course I mean in the nicest possible way.

Itachi has been increasingly silent and surly ever since…well, birth. But seriously, something is definitely up with him. Even as his younger brother, I'm not allowed to know that sort of information. Some might say it's weird- and they'd be right. But I've been playing this guessing game since I was little. So I'm not half bad. And I know when to stay silent.

"We're here. Take a look at your old home."

I frown. "Our home," I correct.

The corners of Itachi's mouth turn downwards but he doesn't say anything.

"Hey, I remember that playground!" I'm excited, even if Itachi isn't. Itachi flinches and I gape. Whoa.

"What, you fall off the swing when you were little?" I'm mystified. Itachi's unusual, sure, but I've always prided myself on knowing the guy better than anyone.

Still, nothing. I really feel like scratching my head, as though that will make the answer pop up. I've seen the cartoons where a light bulb flicks on and the answer is realized. I wish that would happen to me. To carry on with the light imagery- I feel perpetually in the dark when it comes to Itachi's matrix of a mind.

Itachi's not talking and I'm smart enough to know that he'll talk when he wants to. So I find the head phones and jam them securely back on my head. I press down on the play button on my ipod. 'Dani California' by the 'Red Hot Chilly Peppers' comes blaring out and I can feel my ear drums almost burst. I must have accidently moved the volume to the maximum. I sneak a look at Itachi's face and I study his profile. I'm not artist or anything, but even I can tell he's beautiful. He's not happy, to be sure. But when was the last time I saw Itachi smile, really smile? Not the half-hearted or twisted or cruel, which are rare enough.

Itachi parks the car in front of our house. We're home. I unbuckle my seat belt and hurry out of the car. Eager to see home.

I help Itachi unload the car and I breathe in the crisp air. So fresh and chilly. I struggle with my suitcase for a while until Itachi, having already gotten his stuff out, helps me.

I smile at him in thanks and he looks away. He shuffles up the front porch steps. He opens the screen door and for a moment we just stand there. I don't know what he's waiting for. With a sigh, Itachi withdraws a key from his pocket. His long tapered fingers insert the key, pause, and then turn it. He turns the brass knob and pushes the door open.

The interior is nice. I don't know what I was expecting, something decrepit maybe. But it's not. It's big and airy. It's well furnished and I can see a staircase. Without waiting for Itachi, I haul my suitcase up the stairs and stop. I don't know which bedroom is mine. So I wait for the sound of Itachi's slow heavy footfalls.

"Where's my room?" I ask impatiently.

Itachi doesn't bother to speak. He merely points to the room to my left. I'm about to leave but then I realize I don't know where Itachi's room is.

"What about you?"

He motions with his hand upwards. There's another floor? Man, this would be awesome for hide and seek. If Itachi was anyone else, I would ask. But I'm a little scared of my brother. I love him and wouldn't trade him for anyone else, but I can tell he's unstable. I'll have to go exploring one day. But not now.

"What are we having for dinner?"

I feel like an idiot. What am I thinking? Itachi gives me a what's-gotten-into-you look. He's surprised that I'm asking him these things. He's used to my accepting and respecting his silences.

And it's not that Itachi can't cook, I know he can. He wouldn't have survived college if he didn't know how.

Back in the City, Itachi cooked for us all the time. So what changed? That I asked him, when I should have known better.

I thought that, okay, I don't know what I thought, just that maybe being here would change Itachi.

I get Itachi's message loud and clear. Stop trying to be something we're not. I'm pretending we're normal when we're anything but. We're just two kids alone in a house, a mansion if truth be told, that's too big. I like to pretend Itachi's crazy and weird. But maybe Itachi has it right and I'm the fool for believing. But is it so wrong for me to want normalcy?

Itachi can survive on his own, but what about me? When Itachi was at college, I was so miserable. I wasn't suicidal or anything like that, just lonely. I went to boarding school and our parents visited maybe once a year.

My head rings with my question, my naiveté, "What are we having for dinner?". God, what is _wrong_ with me? Why did I think that coming here would change anything? Itachi can't change and I can't expect him to. I shouldn't expect him to. It's my fault we're here. But I won't offer my apologize because I know he won't take it.

I'm pretty smart, not as smart as Itachi, but I can put a few things together. I figure that whatever happened here in this neighborhood that is apparently mine is bad enough that it made Itachi change. It took away my brother, his soul or whatever. But I'm sick of his monosyllabic answers, his silences that are always full of disdain, his superior attitude. I want my brother back. The one who laughed and smiled and ruffled my hair. The one who poked my forehead and gave me piggy back rides. I want that Itachi who was whole and happy.

Maybe I'm in over my head. But I'll do anything to make my brother smile.

Itachi has saved me time and time again. From bullies or thunderstorms or our parents' anger. It's my turn to save him.


	2. Chapter 2

I'm lying on my bed looking at the ceiling. It's painted a light blue. My room is smaller than the one I had in New York. But it's neater so it seems bigger. It's the usual set up. Bed, bedside table, closet, dresser. There is no desk, though. I'll just work in the dining room or something. I'm not worried.

It's Saturday night. I have Sunday to myself and then school starts. I'm not worried about starting at a new school. Itachi will be there, too. Of course, he's not a student. Itachi's a genius and finished high school when he was sixteen, the age I am now. He finished college last year.

Technically Itachi doesn't have to work because our parents are filthy rich and workaholics. We, okay our parents, own the Uchiha Real Estate Corporations, which according to Itachi is about to go global. Or something. When Itachi talks to me about business or our parents I sort of tune it out.

Anyway, Itachi's going to be an assistant teacher at his old school, the one I'm going to this coming Monday.

The door bell rings downstairs. I wait for a few seconds then roll off my bed. Obviously, Itachi isn't going to get it. He's probably upstairs in his room. I'm curious anyway. Who would be knocking on our door? I take out the key and start to insert it in the lock.

Before Itachi went up to his room, he gave me the key and a silver chain. I was surprised; Itachi's worn that chain for as long as I can remember. I was pleased and slipped the key on the chain. I put it around my neck while Itachi watched.

"It suits you," he said softly and I hugged him. He tensed and I released him.

I'm still thinking of how thin Itachi felt through his shirt as I open the door to reveal a tall man who looks totally bizarre. His grayish hair stands up like mine and he's wearing a mask. I'm not even joking- a _mask,_ like he's some sort of ninja. Baggy jeans and a grey shirt with a green vest. His hands are hidden behind his back. He's wearing sunglasses. Odd, is my overall impression. I can tell he's giving me the once over as well.

"Hello?" I ask, going for polite.

"Sasuke, is that you?"

He takes off his sunglasses with a pale hand. His face is equally pale with a straight nose and dark eyes that are at half mast. He looks torn and I don't know why.

I nod, trying to decide whether the fact that he knows my name is good or bad.

"Wow, it's been a while. What, nine years? I'm sure you don't remember me. I'm Kakashi. I was just in the neighborhood and I saw a car." He leans on the door frame, his face getting closer to mine. I take one step back. "Itachi never told me…" he breaks off. "Ah, is he here?"

The name rings a bell. I vaguely remember a smiling kid with the same hair teasing Itachi. I relax a bit. I know martial arts so I could have protected myself. But it seems he's here for Itachi.

"Yeah, I think he's asleep though." I didn't tell this guy, Kakashi, the truth. He seems okay and I knew Itachi was in a mood. I did the math. Kakashi didn't deserve to have a grumpy Itachi, old friend or not.

"Oh." He didn't seem all that disappointed if you ask me. "That's okay. Tell him," he pauses, then shakes his head. "Never mind." He gives me a half smile that I usually see on Itachi's grim face. Maybe this is who he got it from.

"Bye," I say, not sure what to do.

"Later," he waves goodbye. I watch him walk away, down our driveway. He must live pretty close because he doesn't leave by car.

Sighing, I close the door. I lock it again. I'm about to go up the stairs when I see Itachi just sitting there. I didn't even hear him come down. I think sometimes Itachi should carry around a bell that rings as he moves. No one should be that silent.

"Um, that was Kakashi."

Itachi shoots me a look as if to say _I know_. I shrug. I squeeze around Itachi and I'm at the top step when Itachi speaks again.

"What did he want?"

I make a backwards trek so I'm standing on the same stair as Itachi. But it feels weird towering over Itachi, who I always look up to.

"To see you." I sit down and put my head on Itachi's bony shoulder.

Itachi thinks about it. I really wish I could look inside his head, see his thoughts. I bet scientists would have a field day with Itachi's brain. But he's my brother and I won't let anyone take him from me.

"Are you hungry?"

Now, most people would assume that Itachi was asking about dinner and just dinner. But I'm not most people. I not only know that this is Itachi's way of apologizing for being so distant, but that he's asking if I'm okay. If I'm happy.

I answer both questions at the same time. "Yes."

His hand finds mine and the clammy clasp warms me. Itachi is looking straight ahead, pretending that we aren't holding hands.

"Pasta?" he asks and I can't help the smile that spreads across my face.

"You read my mind," I beam at him, my brother. We sit like that for a while. Then Itachi gets up first and moves with the grace of a dancer to the kitchen. I don't follow him because I know Itachi wants to be alone with his thoughts.

I go back up to my room. I start to unpack my clothes and put them in the drawers. I start thinking about what Kakashi said.

"_Wow, it's been a while. What, nine years?" _

When we left Itachi was twelve and so I must've been, what, seven? Yeah, that sounds about right.

_"I'm sure you don't remember me. I'm Kakashi. I was just in the neighborhood and I saw a car."_

I snort. No one is ever 'just in the neighborhood'. He was here for Itachi, of that I'm sure. I wonder what type of relationship they had.

I doubt anyone remembers me fondly enough to want to visit. Oh, except there was that one goofy kid. We were friends, I guess. Then again, at seven everyone's your friend. I just remember that he had a nice smile, electric blue eyes and golden tones in his hair. I know it's stupid but he sort of reminds me of an angel. My angel. I went through this stage where I believed in angels. I thought Naruto, the kid, was mine. Maybe he was watching over me. Yes, I know. Stupid. And he's not even dead. I don't really believe anymore. I mean it would be cool, but I don't say stuff like that out loud.

Itachi appears at my door and I go down with him. We have pasta with marinara sauce.

"Looks like blood," I comment offhandedly. Itachi doesn't respond.

It's this weird game we have. I try to get a response out of Itachi. Sometimes I tell jokes, hoping Itachi will laugh. Or I tell him random facts.

My plate is clean within seconds. Itachi is an excellent cook. It's kind of infuriating how good he is at everything. He makes simple things taste really good. I eye Itachi's plate even though I'm full. Itachi is the slowest eater ever.

Itachi notices where I'm looking. I think he notices everything. He pushes his plate towards me. I don't ask if he's sure. I take it and finish his dinner. I sigh.

"This was really good, Itachi. Thank you." I hate that I sound so plaintive. He's my brother. It shouldn't be like this. It's wrong.

As Itachi and I clear our plates I think back to the time where I believed in angels. I remember when Itachi left for college. That first night, there were thunderstorms. I remember that I didn't pray that Itachi was here with me, but that angels would watch over Itachi.


	3. Chapter 3

Naruto has a problem. He woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Granted, it's the first day of school and summer fun is no more. But that's not what's bothering Naruto. His dream. Naruto knows it's not unusual for guys his age to have _those_ kinds of dreams because everyone his age thinks about sex constantly. Only, the person in Naruto's dream wasn't a girl. It was a boy. And even that isn't so bad. It's _who _he dreamed of. That stupid boy with that stupid shy smile which made his heart spun and swirl, do stupid summersaults.

Kiba jogs into the classroom and spots the blonde. "Yes, we're in the same homeroom!" Kiba is thrilled, but not that surprised- he and Naruto have been in the same homeroom since forever. Kiba thinks this is maybe a sign that they're meant to be together, and is just on the verge on commenting in a blithe tone when he sees _that _expression in Naruto's baby blues. So he says. "Hey, man. You okay?" Kiba taps Naruto on the shoulder and is greeted with a jolt and a fake smile. Naruto then puts on his head phones and closes his eyes, signaling that Kiba should buzz off.

_Fine_, Kiba thinks to himself, _I'll just declare my undying love for you another day. Because…I know that look_. He doesn't understand what Naruto is thinking about when he gets that self-hating, torn _what-did-I-do-to-deserve-this_ look on his usually energetic face. But he knows Naruto isn't himself when he's like this. Why Naruto should feel this way, Kiba has no idea. Naruto is the most popular, sought after guy in school (and we're not just talking girls- Kiba, for instance, would not mind getting 'drunk' and becoming gay for a night. Something about that halo of sunlight for hair, that killer, Crest-toothpaste ad smile, those muscles that aren't too big to be disgusting…Something about being putty in those large, tan hands…Kiba feels himself getting hard and decides he has to stop thinking about Naruto in that way – and it's only the first day!). While most people dread coming to school, Naruto loves it. And why not? He's treated like royalty here. He's captain of Konoha High's swim team, and president of student body. Everyone thinks he's the greatest thing since sex.

"What's with Sunny? Looks like someone reported a rain shower or something."

Kiba jumps. "Jesus Gaara, you really have to stop doing that!" He pauses. "Do you know about the others?"

Gaara shrugs. "Probably with us. Doesn't administration always do that?"

"Naruto's father Iruka probably has something to do with it, because he works here and stuff." Kiba considers what Gaara first said. "I'm not sure, actually. Naruto is just quiet sometimes."

"It's hard to believe," Shino mutters, striding into the room with Shikamaru. His collar is flipped, Kiba notices, making him look somewhat cool and somewhat deranged. And he's wearing his sunglasses. What a surprise, Kiba thinks mockingly without an inch of genuine surprise.

Shikamaru adds, "He's usually so hyperactive. How troublesome."

"I wonder if anyone else besides us notices," Kiba muses.

"Probably not. Or if they do, they pretend not to. Imagination is a pretty powerful thing." Shikamaru, let it be known, is known for sprouting occasionally 'deep' things.

"You talk to him, Kiba. You're his best friend," Shino prods.

Kiba sighs and pokes Naruto in the arm. Naruto blinks his eyes open and half glares at Kiba. He notices his other friends and takes off the headphones.

"Hey guys," he greets, flashing them with a toothy smile that glistens to onlookers but to his friends, just seems tired.

"Yo, man, what'cha thinking about?" Kiba asks him.

"Nothing," is the automatic and not unexpected response.

"Whoa, two-clock! Check _him_ out."

Three heads turn and Naruto follows their lead, eyes slit in forced light-hearted fun, and his face pales. It's the guy from his dream.

"Is that-"

"Sasuke Uchiha? Yeah, I think so. He looks familiar."

"He's hot."

Naruto doesn't say it aloud. It's way too complicated to explain to his friends, and to himself. Why does he have such a visceral reaction to that spiky black hair? It's not right…

He blinks a couple of times even as his heart thuds in his chest, each pulse making him feel two opposing reactions. He wants to run far away so he won'thave to see, won't have to face this traitor. But he also wants to jump up and throw his arms around the gangly form of his ex-best friend. He wants to know if Sasuke isas thin as he looks, wants to ask if he'd been eating okay – if Itachi has yet to smile – or if his heart is still frozen.

And then they make eye contact. Naruto can feel himself get hard- is thankful he was sitting down.

Sasuke looks away, twin chips of black ice unfreezing him finally and Naruto feels cold all over. Those eyes…No more laughter or happiness – only boredom and chilling discontentment. Just like Itachi's.

Naruto's fists clench and he hides them beneath the desk. He closes his eyes, silently praying even though he isn'treligious: _I know becoming like Itachi was your dream, but please…Tell me you still have a heart…_


	4. Chapter 4

Naruto wipes his palms, suddenly wet with sweat, on his jeans. He overheard a couple of giggling girls in the hallway that 'the new hottie's brother' was in the library during lunch. So here Naruto is. He roamed the rows of books and at last spotted the back of a very familiar head. Walking over quickly before he lost his nerve, he just stands in front of his former best friend, waiting to be noticed. _God damn, why is it so hard?_ _He's just a guy! Get a grip! _Naruto tells himself.

"For the last time, my brother is not interested."

Naruto laughs nervously. He's not here for Itachi. And he says so.

Sasuke goes on about how he's not interested. Naruto bites his lip. Why won't Sasuke look at him?

"Sasuke." Even just saying his name makes Naruto's insides tingle. Good lord, what's happening to him? But no time to speculate, because Sasuke looks up and Naruto's heart speeds up without his permission. He thinks he may be smiling foolishly.

He's talking, not even aware of what's coming out of his mouth. Something stupid, probably. And Sasuke is just looking at him, nonplussed.

And then he opens his mouth, and Naruto sees his perfectly white teeth, the pink of his tongue and he thinks he may faint. And then-

"Who are you?"

Naruto's eyes grow very, very big.

"Well, it has been a while. I'm Naruto Uzumaki. We use to be friends…" Best friends. Rivals. How could you forget me?

"Well, sorry for bothering you…."

And he can't breathe. If he faints, maybe it'll be worth it if Sasuke gives him CPR. He stumbles away, trying hard not to turn around and do something stupid. Like strangle Sasuke. Or kiss him. And right then, Naruto makes a promise to himself. _I'll make you remember me, Uchiha. You were my best friend. We didn't have a choice last time. But we do now. I'm not about to lose you again, not when I've just found you. _

*Sasuke's POV*

"For the last time, my brother is not interested," I say without looking up from my book. This has been going on for the past, I don't know, hour so I'm getting pretty good at sense other people's presence. I know they're there before they say anything. I'm trying very hard to enjoy _Letters to a Young Poet _byRainer Maria Rilkebut I can't concentrate. The reason? Because every minute or so boys and girls alike come along, pestering me about my brother.

_Idiot: Like, is he single? _

_Me: He has a girlfriend. (I'm lying, but whatever)_

_Idiot: Is he open to cheating? _

_Me: He's extremely loyal (to himself?) _

_Idiot: Will you give this to him? _

_Me: Leave it on the table (so I can throw it out later) _

It's lunch time but I'm not hungry.

I'm dreading Valentine's Day.

"Um, no, I'm actually here to talk to you." The voice is male.

"I'm not gay. And I'm not interested." I turn the page, refusing to look up. I just wish this person would go _away_.

"Sasuke."

"What?" Clearly the guy won't take a hint. So I look up and meet eyes so blue they remind me of summer days and picnics. They're familiar. I saw them this morning as Itachi was ushering me to registration like I was five.

"Hey, it's been a while. I was just wondering how you were…" He goes on for a few more minutes. He's tall, maybe taller than I am. His hair is yellow. Not a fair blonde, but a yellow that's more tangible. His skin is darker than mine, a warm honey brown. He's not bad looking. He looks like he smiles a lot. It's infectious, I think I may start grinning too if I stay around him long enough. And all this time, he's still talking. I've looked at him enough. I know his type.

"Who are you?"

That shuts him up fast.

He blabs some more and then turns around, exiting quickly. I see a flare if determination on those electric blue eyes that remind me of Itachi.

And of course I was just playing. It's Naruto. And he hasn't changed. Which is nice and reassuring on the one hand. But on the other, it's sad. I'm only now realizing how much I've changed. I close my book. I can't concentrate on Rilke's prose when all I can see are those hopeful eyes and hear that low baritone voice.

He's dangerous.

I haven't felt this torn, this longing in a really long time. I know we can't go back to the way things were. Know it as surely as I know Itachi and I will never have a normal relationship. I know because I need Itachi too much. Yes, I do mean it like that. I need his touch, which I know is messed up. He doesn't touch me now. It's sick, I know, but I wish he would. It was just that once. I don't remember much of it, just that Itachi's never treated me so kindly before, or since. His eyes haven't shone with such soft light again. I'd give up my body in an instant, if that's what it took to have my brother as he once was.

But it'll take more than that. Because what Itachi needs won't come from me. Maybe we came here to find it. I think that's why we came here. But I could be wrong. I've been wrong before. Like when I thought Itachi was perfect. Before I learned that even the most perfect appearing people have secrets that probably scar them just as they do the rest of us.

I'm Itachi's younger brother. And that's a heavy burden to bear. To do it, I have to be in perfect control. Always. I can't be around people like Naruto who shine brighter than everyone else and make everything look so easy. Because I'll forget myself, maybe smile. Maybe even fall in love.


	5. Chapter 5

"What happened?"

"Nothing."

"Sasuke." _Look at me._

Sasuke raises his face and Itachi frowns.

"Did you see Naruto?"

Sasuke laughs. "What are you, telepathic? Yes. But that's not…"

Itachi's eyes focus on the stool across from him. Sasuke wordlessly drops his school bag and heaves himself onto the seat.

_Spill_.

"Kisame says hello."

Itachi's eyes narrow a fraction.

_Go on_.

"Jesus, Itachi, if you have any more enemies, now would be a good time to tell me," Sasuke says in a sarcastic tone. But his voice shakes.

_What did he do?_

"Nothing, really, just pushed me against the wall."

_And?_

"Oh yeah, he said to give this to you."

Sasuke leans forward, pulls on Itachi's tie so their lips crash together.

Itachi's sable eyes catch fire for a moment and Sasuke is scared he might be hit. But no.

"Hn."

"Did you break his heart, Aniki?"

Itachi is looking right into Sasuke's eyes but Sasuke can't discern any emotion.

"Tachi?"

"I'm sorry, Sasuke. I will talk to Kisame. He should not have brought you into this."

Itachi pulls out a cellphone and presses a speed-dial number.

"Kakashi."

"Don't sound so surprised. We need to talk."

Itachi's eyes darken. "No. Absolutely not. You are not coming here."

"It's fine, Itachi. Kakashi can come here."

"Yes, that was Sasuke. No, you may not speak to him. Fine. Come here."

"Uh, Itachi, what was that about?"

Itachi looks as frustrated as Sasuke's ever seen him.

_Come here_.

Sasuke goes to his brother, knowing what's about to happen and can't be bothered to stop it. Not that he wants to.

Itachi uses one hand to hold his chin, and brings his face very close to Sasuke's. So close, all Sasuke has to do is pout his lips and they'd be connected. But he waits.

They stay there, suspended in desire and a strange sadness that Sasuke doesn't understand but can feel surrounding them. He feels like crying and he doesn't know why. But all this pain and confusion is coming from Itachi. And Sasuke is as sure as he's ever been that their kissing will not heal any of Itachi's invisible scars. But does Itachi know this? Sasuke isn't sure.

_Itachi? _

The spell is broken. The word isn't even spoken aloud but Sasuke can hear the unvoiced word tear the universe apart.

But much more noticeable to Sasuke is the way Itachi's aura of hurt is instantly covered by coldness. The icy distance that Sasuke associates with the times he dares ask Itachi about the past.

"Kakashi's coming over. Don't you have homework or something?"

"Yes…"

_Go do it then_.

Itachi turns his attention back to his Sudoku and Sasuke feels like an iron door has just been slammed in his face.


	6. Chapter 6

"I deserve to know." I decide to break the sort of three way staring contest among Itachi, me, and Kakashi who just arrived. We're all in the living room. I'm the only one sitting down, no surprise. Itachi has this really odd look on his face, like he wants to leave but doesn't want me to be alone with Kakashi. Huh.

_Fine. You tell him. But I'm leaving. _

"Okay."

And I realize that Kakashi is responding to Itachi. He can speak Itachi's language, too? Jesus, just how close are they?

"Do you remember Orochimaru?" Kakashi is speaking but I'm watching my brother's retreating back. Why is he leaving? Well, I suppose I'll find out soon enough.

"Yes. Long black hair, creepy eyes. Always wore purple eye shadow?"

"Yes. Well, the three of us were friends…."

Later, up in the safety of my room I stare at the math problems, not seeing them. All I can think about is what Kakashi just told me.

_He used to like Itachi. But Itachi and I were a couple. Anyway, Orochimaru got involved with drugs. He slipped one into Itachi's drink one night and raped him. Itachi packed up his things and left without saying goodbye. He took you with him. _

"And what does this have to do with Kisame?"

"Kisame was apparently the one who supplied Orochimaru with the drugs."

_Itachi…_

I tried to talk to Itachi about it. But he just walked past me into the living room where I'd just left Kakashi. They probably wanted to be alone.

Weird, but I what I really want to do is call Naruto. I don't know why, but I feel like he would understand. He might not say anything really helpful or insightful. But I think just knowing I'm not alone would make me feel better. Itachi and Kakashi have each other. But who do I have? And why does that stupid smiling face with blue eyes keep popping up? I don't know Naruto's number. Which is probably a good thing, but right now I can't see why.

I sit at my desk, pretending I don't care in the slightest if Itachi and Kakashi are having sex right now. But the thought of Itachi naked, pale skin shimmering, makes me extremely hard.

Damn. I need a distraction.

I go online because I did my homework during lunch. Yeah, I skip lunch but it's not that I'm anorexic. I'm just never hungry. It's like I can only eat food Itachi's prepared for me. You don't have to tell me that's screwed up- I know it is.

Then an IM box pops up, asking if I want to talk to this Kitsune123. Whatever, I'm bored. And horny.

Kitsune123: Sasuke? It's Naruto.

I stare at the screen, nonplussed. Then I reply.

UchihaS: I know. Why are you talking to me?

Kitsune123: I dunno. I was bored. Hey, can I have your cell phone number?

UchihaS: No.

Kitsune123: Why not? I probably won't call you.

UchihaS: Case in point. You won't use it, so why have it?

I'm smiling before I can stop myself. Naruto does that to me. But he's not here so he can't see it. And Itachi's upstairs otherwise involved with Kakashi…

I clench my fists so my nails make half-moons in my palms.

UchihaS: Fine. It's 917-339-1008

Ktisune123: Okay.

My phone rings and I answer it.

"Sasuke!"

He has a nice voice on the phone. Some people sound really weird, and I've been told I sound like Itachi (I wish).

"Hey."

"So, what's up?"

"Nothing. I'm bored."

"Oh, yeah. Well, how do you like school so far?"

"It's school." I log off AIM.

"Why'd you sign off?"

"I'm talking to you."

"Yeah, I guess. Um, what classes are you taking?"

"Advanced bio, Spanish, English, history…"

"Wait, those are my classes."

"I know."

"Huh?"

"The teacher called your name and you didn't answer."

"Thought you didn't remember me, Uchiha."

"I was kidding. I couldn't forget you. So. Why weren't you in class?"

"Huh?"

"Why weren't you there…?"

"Oh... Um, don't get mad. But I was trying to find you out what classes had."

It makes me smile to think of Naruto running around trying to track me down. "You really haven't changed." Thank god, I think but don't say out loud.

Naruto isn't sure what to make of this comment. So there's a lengthy pause before he says quietly, "Neither have you."

Oh, Naruto…He's so wrong I can't help but find it funny. Sort of. "Yeah, right." Because I _have _changed. I'm not the Sasuke Naruto remembers, not the same shy, energetic dark haired youth.

"I'm serious. You're the same Sasuke I was best friends with years ago."

"Naruto…We can't-" I almost hang up on him. Naruto can't be suggesting that we just pick up where we left off. It's not plausible. He has to know that. But it's Naruto, so maybe he really does believe this, in me.

"I know," Naruto quickly adds, "that we can't get back those years. I was angry at you for leaving me. I don't really know why you left, but Sasuke, we don't have to talk about it. Let's…just…Sit with me tomorrow. Okay, Sasuke?"

And at this point, it should be so easy to say no. That's what I should do. But I can't because it's _not_ easy. I haven't felt this relaxed in a long time. Because he's so bent on making me see things his way, maybe I can just accept it. Not fight it. I'm so tired of fighting. Silent fights with Itachi, with myself, with Naruto…I can't do it anymore. And I lift my eyes to the ceiling, where Itachi is undoubtedly fucking Kakashi. He's having fun, in his own Itachi-way. He's leaving me behind, is what he's doing. And I don't want to be alone anymore…

"Okay."


	7. Chapter 7

Itachi enters the room. Kakashi's back is to him.

"You didn't tell him about Rei."

Kakashi turns, the one dark eye that's visible is serious.

"No, I didn't want to overstep my boundaries."

_Good_.

_Do I get a kiss. _

Itachi laughs, surprising them both. He continues to glide to Kakashi, as though drawn by a magnet.

Kakashi pulls down his mask with one hand and with the other pushes Itachi against the wall.

_May I? _

"You've never asked before." Itachi's breath is hot against Kakashi's face.

_I've changed_.

_No you haven't. _

Kakashi pauses, considering.

"No, I suppose I haven't. At least, not when it comes to you."

And they kiss. It's unusually sweet and soft, there is passion but it's quiet. More important, it seems, to Kakashi is for him to impress onto Itachi how much he's been missed. How, no matter what's happened, what will probably happen, Itachi will always be precious to Kakashi. There are I-want-you-bad kisses, forgive-me-I'm-sorry kisses, and I've-missed-you kisses. The one Kakashi and Itachi share now is a combination of the aforementioned. It's an 'I-love-you' kiss.

Kakashi has kissed many, but never anyone like _this_.

Itachi has been lusted after by many, but never wanted exactly with this all consuming passion.

They've both had needs and others in the past. But it all fades away as Itachi leads Kakashi up the stairs to his bedroom.

"How long is your hair now?" Kakashi asks Itachi, pulling at his own silver locks.

"Hn. I don't know. I was thinking of cutting it." Itachi tips his head forward so his dark hair swings down.

"No! No. your hair is too pretty to cut." _Don't change. _

"Okay."

Kakashi reachs out a hand to gentlly tease Itachi's hair of knots but his fingers slide through easily like water.

"I love your hair," Kakashi remarks, still petting it.

"Mmmm." Itachi closes his eyes. He only likes his hair touched by a select few. Luckily Kakashi is one of these privileged or he'd be in a world of pain. Thanks to Itachi, Kakashi developed a fascination boarding on obsession with long tresses. In fact, he refused to date girls who wore their hair above their shoulders.

At that age, Kakashi decided he wasn't gay. He was just love with Itachi. He guessed he would always be. Of course, Kakashi hadn't anticipated Itachi's moving away. Now he accepts that he's bi. But, damn it all, Itachi's still the only one who makes him feel this way.

This giddy excitement and staggering lust. Who knew you could feel so much and for just one person?

But Kakashi has no doubt in his mind that Itachi will bring his world crashing down and, this is the sad part, he can't wait. He wanted to go with Itachi when he left five years ago. Reality stopped him. But now, reality is long gone.

In Itachi's room, on his bed, there is only fantasy.

_Undress me, Kashi_. Seductive. Low. Unvoiced.

And Kakashi can't think right now, he's too busy hugging and kissing this beautiful boy, this man, his Itachi. Who's all grown up and almost a stranger-His thoughts are jumbled and colliding but they won't stop they won't because Kakashi doesn't know how to slow down how to stop because his old friend Obito taught him that, that waiting is bad, that living is good and constant and active and god it's like he's high or on some sort of really excellent drug because he's never been this happy, this exhilarated and it's making him forget how to breathe how to-to-

_Kashi…_ That voice again. That makes his entire body burn with –

"Kakashi." What? Oh. His name. A breathy sigh. Itachi…_Itachi..._And suddenly it comes back to Kakashi, he knows how to do this. Knows how to make Itachi blush and moan – no. No. No. No. That's wrong, he doesn't know. They've never been together like this before. Before there were simply glances full of longing and pain and love, always love, always pain. But they kissed sometimes and it was amazing and always made Kakashi really hard and wish they understood what this was, understood the heavy feelings of loneliness that surged in their veins even though they were together, would always be together…But then Orochimaru – he dared..he..made Itachi angry, made him cry and scared and angry, so so _angry_ and powerless and so of course Kakashi was all those things and more because Itachi is his and no one can hurt him, not ever because it's _Itachi_ and he deserves everything in the world he's Kakashi's world and his god and his love and his life and-

_Do you have any lube?_

Kakashi's holding himself back. Itachi's makes all sorts of amazing incredible delicious noises and he drinks them, savors them, holds onto them for dear life. He wants to do so many things to Itachi, wants to do them all right now while they have time while they're still alive and young and alive. While Itachi is here and not gone away to some place he should not be because he belongs with Kakashi they belong together to each other and that is what makes this so hard, this waiting because they're _meant _to be joined this way. It's-

_I need to stretch you first._

And _god_, it hurts and feels so good. And it's only the beginning, no no it's not, and it's not an ending either it's a continuation of what they started when they were younger, when they were so naïve and didn't know betrayal and heart stopping pain could come from the people you love- and Itachi, Kakashi loves, has always, will always-

_This may hurt… _

But this pain – it's a good pain. Very good. Nice. Relaxing? No, not quite. When Kakashi is relaxed, he's sleepy but no, now this very moment he is not sleepy not in the slightest he is very awake and happy and maybe later they'll sleep. Together. Like a sleepover only not because they're not kids anymore- Itachi's grown up – but to hold Itachi…

_On your knees, babe._

Grey hair matted to his forehead, eyes screwed shut, he can't see, can only feel, feel everything – every hot breath and soft sigh of contentment. Itachi, he knows, is behind him, giving him so much pleasure, it's hard to comprehend that this is real, that Itachi is really here. That it's not just some crazy, beautiful dream.

A hand wraps around him-but-

"No."

He shakes his head back and forth like a dog. Because it's not about him and what he needs. It's about Itachi. It's always been about Itachi.

"_Kakashi_…" Itachi doesn't scream his name, simply mumbles it like a prayer.

_You were magnificent._ Kisses rain down on his back, his shoulders. His neck and a slight nip at his ear. "Hn. What's this, have I rendered the great Kakashi speechless?"

And that teasing voice, that tranquility – Kakashi hasn't seen it in way too long. But it's here now and.. _Maybe_, Kakashi thinks with a smile, _my Itachi isn't beyond saving_.


	8. Chapter 8

Itachi's eyes blink open. It's morning and soft sunlight streams through the glass window. Itachi is instantly aware of the warm body next to him, the heavy arm offering security. He glances at his wrist watch. It's 7:30 am.

"You've got to go, Kashi."

The arm around Itachi's waist tightens. "I thought we were done playing games."

"I'm serious. I have to make Sasuke breakfast."

"Ashamed of me?"

"Yes." But he says it nicely. Itachi starts to sit up. The arms let go. "But I don't want to shock Sasuke just yet."

"Alright, fine." The arm withdraws.

Itachi turns and stares down at Kakashi's unmasked face. Strong jaw, nose that's been broken once, sleepy, mismatched eyes…

He sits up straight and slides off the bed. He walks to the door, peeling off his boxers. Kakashi swallows. Itachi has not a single ounce of fat on him. He is all muscle and bone and pale skin. He is beautiful. And he belongs to no one. Yet. His stare is lustful.

_Not that I'm objecting, but what are you doing?_

_Shower._

_Oh. Can I come?_

_I don't know. _Itachi's eyes are filled with a playfulness that Kakashi's didn't know he missed until now. _Can you? _

_Heh. So, was that an invitation? _

Kakashi swings his legs over the side of the bed and follows Itachi into the bathroom. The pros of sleeping _sans _clothing.

Itachi's already turned on the water.

Kakashi turns Itachi's head and they share a soft kiss. Then Kakashi grips Itachi's slender shoulders, maybe leaving bruises. _MINE. _

Itachi puts his hands on Kakashi's chest and pushes slightly, breathing hard. "Can't take a shower with you."

_Why not? _

Itachi moves one of his hands down and around Kakashi's body, squeezing one of Kakashi's butt cheeks. He slips in his middle finger up to the second knuckle.

Kakashi growls deep in his throat.

_Tease. _

Itachi kisses Kakashi hard on mouth, jabbing with his tongue.

_You can't live without me_.

Silence on Kakashi's end. His eyes are closed.

_Kashi? _Itachi traces the interior of Kakashi's mouth with his tongue. He massages Kakashi's back, feeling the tense muscles.

"Yeah." Kakashi opens his eyes.

_Go lie down, _Itachi commands.

"Mmkay."

Itachi watches Kakashi leave, wondering what has just happened. He quickly takes a shower, shampooing and conditioning, dragging a comb through the wet tangles.

He reenters his room, a towel tied around his waist. Kakashi is lying in his bed, half of his body covered by the white sheet, making him look like a Greek god.

_Are you okay? _

_I'm fine. I just need to do a few things. But I'll pick you up. _

_If you're sure. _

_See you later, Tachi. _

As soon as Itachi left, Kakashi sighs deeply.

"You know I love you, Itachi Uchiha."

Pausing on the other side of the door, Itachi thinks, _I know. _


	9. Chapter 9

"Is Kakashi still in the house?"

Itachi doesn't even bat an eyelid. His eyes stay on the road. He's not answering.

"Did he stay the night? I mean, I didn't hear him leave…"

_Enough. _

"Okay." I fumble for the words. "Is Kakashi your boyfriend?"

Itachi pulls up in front of school. "No."

I take off my seatbelt and open the door. "Don't wait for me. I'm going home with Naruto."

I throw the information in his face. Itachi remains impassive. I watch him drive away around the school to the parking lot. I walk up the steps and push the doors open. I go to homeroom.

I see familiar faces, faces from my childhood. Shino, Kiba, Gaara, Shikamaru. They're just standing around. Except for Kiba, who's doing some last minute homework, pen scribbling furiously. Shikamaru raises his eyes from his laptop for a moment and waves.

Shikamaru: "Yo."

Shino: "Morning."

Kiba: "Hey, Sasuke."

Gaara: Grunt.

I nod back at them. "Hey."

An arm is thrown over my shoulders. "What's up guys?"

I take a step to the side and the arm falls. Everyone stares at the person behind me. I turn.

The boy is taller than me by about an inch. His dark brown hair is long, longer than Itachi's. It's in a pony tail yet falls straight to his waist. His jeans are black and tight enough to suggest he plays for the other team. He wears his confidence openly, strange pale eyes observing all and missing nothing.

"What are you doing here Neji?" Kiba stops writing and looks up. He shows his abnormally long canines.

Neji tilts his head to the side and stares Kiba down. "I heard Uchiha was back."

"Both of them Neji. Now why don't you scram?"

"Itachi's back?" Neji's back straightens at the mere mention of my brother's name. What the hell?

"What do you want with Itachi?" My voice is sharp.

Neji simply stares at me, looking amused. It's sort of like the look Itachi gives me when I ask something he thinks is obvious. It's fine if Itachi gives me those looks. He's my brother and I can't stay mad at him. But Neji…Neji's just some guy I vaguely remember from my past. I don't know what his deal is.

I repeat my question.

"I've got business with him."

It's probably not normal, but I've always been possessive of Itachi. And if this guy Neji, who I vaguely remember from my past, wants anything to do with my brother, he'll have to deal with me first.

"Like what?"

It's not me that asks. It's Kiba.

"Just catching up," Neji replies casually.

"Neji!"

We all turn. Naruto stands in the doorway, eyes surprised.

"Oh, Sasuke, you're in our homeroom? That's awesome." He flashes a grin at me. I look away, hiding a smile.

"Why're you here, Neji?" Naruto enters, unbuttoning his coat. "You're not in our grade."

"Nothing. Nothing. I just wanted to see Sasuke."

"That's nice." Naruto's furrows his brow in confusion. Then continues, "I dunno where our homeroom teacher is; he's supposed to dismiss us. He's late, anyway. We've got to hurry if we don't wanna be late."

Immediately everyone begin gathering their stuff. I sling my bag over my shoulder. Naruto comes to my side.

"What do we have first?"

"English."

"Okay! Let's walk together."

Naruto nods at the others. "Save us seats at lunch!"

"Whatever. So troublesome," Shikamaru grumbles somewhere behind us.

"He says that, but he'll do it."

I turn and see Kiba has caught up with us.

Naruto asks, "Kiba, you have math right?"

"Yeah, but I thought I'd walk you."

"That's okay. Math's on the second floor. You've gotta go. Sasuke's here."

Kiba looks like he wants to refuse. But instead he backs off. "Okay, see you guys later then."

Morning classes pass in a blur. I don't bother taking notes and Naruto notices. I explain in a flat tone that I have a photographic memory and I learned everything on the curriculum already. Which is just as well, since Naruto insists on sitting next to me in every class and I can't pay attention to anything but him.

Wait. Rewind. Thoroughly unnerved, I become very quiet. If Naruto notices, he doesn't say anything. Then it's lunch time and Naruto dashes off to the library to print something. Finally, some peace and quiet. My head is on my lunch tray and I'm quite content to sleep for the next thirty minutes.

"Didn't your mom ever tell you to not to sleep in your food?"

Or not. I look up and Kiba's face grins down at me.

I sit up, and push my hair off my face. Then I lean backwards a little until Kiba plops down across from me with his own tray. I breathe out a sigh of relief. Except for Itachi, I can't stand anyone in my personal space.

"So, you going to try out for the swim team?"

"Sure." I've always been fast. I learned how to swim because Itachi insisted that I learn. He taught me himself. We race occasionally, and I never win but I'm getting there.

"You should. Sunny runs the swim team." Shino slides into the seat next to Kiba. They bump fists.

"Who?"

"Me." Naruto answers my question, entering the room with a broad smile. "Hey, what's up guys?" His eyes travel around the room, pausing on me. Or I could be going crazy, which is entirely possible.

"We're trying to get the Uchiha in the pool."

"Sure, we always need a few swimmers." Naruto turns that smile on me.

"Okay," is what I say but really I'm thinking I really need to get over my soft spot for Naruto.


	10. Chapter 10

Itachi sits in his designated office. It's more like a closet, really. Whatever, it's his. He should be in his homeroom. He's the proctor. But he's mentally preparing himself. Anyway, Sasuke is in his homeroom. Itachi can't deal with his younger brother right then.

So instead he pulls from his bag with folders and neatly filed papers. Itachi looks at his schedule. He has three classes. One art with the seniors at twelve thirty every day. One algebra class and one bio chemistry class every day except Monday. Sasuke was in his science class.

Scanning the attendance list, Itachi smiles as a few names jump out at him. Uzumaki. Hyuga. Itachi frowns when he reads the name of the other art teacher.

Deidara.

First Kakashi and Kisame, and now Deidara. Itachi wouldn't be surprised if Orochimaru himself was still around.

There is a knock on the door before it opens.

"Hey there." Kakashi smiles innocently. "Long time no see, Itachi."

"What are you doing here?" Itachi mutters. Has Kakashi started stalking him now?

"I work here silly." Kakashi keeps smiling. "I'm the guidance counselor."

"You can't be serious." Itachi keeps shaking his head, unwilling to believe fate could be so cruel.

"Oh, but I am. This is going to be fun."

More like hell, Itachi thinks. He sighs.

"You're going to be late if you don't hurry."

Refraining from cursing, Itachi stuffs his folder back into his bag and pushes by Kakashi.

"See you at lunch!" Kakashi calls after him.


	11. Chapter 11

Itachi avoids Kakashi at lunch by hiding in the library. He ignores the giggling girls who are hiding unsuccessfully behind the bookshelves.

"Itachi." The voice is confident, slightly reverent.

Itachi's lips twitch. "Neji."

"May I?" Neji pulls out a seat even as he's talking.

"Suit yourself."

"How _are_ you?" Neji rests his elbows on the table. "How was Europe?"

"Fine. I much prefer it here." Itachi indulges him. Poor Neji, stuck here with these dimwits.

Neji looks immensely relieved. "I was wondering, Itachi, if you could perhaps tutor me in physics?"

Itachi considers. Neji isn't friends with Sasuke exactly but his brilliant mind attracted Itachi all those years ago. Still…

"I'm sorry Neji." He does not offer an explanation. He thinks Neji will understand.

Neji dips his head. "Of course."

The bell rings.

"I'll see you?"

Itachi nods a maybe. Neji's oddly colorless eyes are filled with some emotion that may be called hope. Only Neji, like Itachi, has given up hope a long time ago.


	12. Chapter 12

"Mr. Uchiha?"

"Hn." Itachi looks up. He's just finished laying out pieces of drawing paper.

Though his hair has grown out and grown a few inches, the blond bangs which sweep and cover one eye, Deidara is recognizable.

"Deidara."

Itachi's on edge though he fights not to show it. It's not Deidara who's making him uneasy, it's who and what he represents. Deidara used to tag along with Orochimaru.

"Itachi." Deidara sits on a stool.

"What are you doing here?" Itachi is usually unerringly polite. But he decides he'll make an exception.

"I'm your TA." He grins, teeth showing. "So, Itachi, how are you?"

"Set some markers on those tables." Itachi gestures at the three tables.

Thankfully, Deidra does as he's told. He seems quite content to let Itachi boss him around. Itachi is thankful for small things.

The students file in and Itachi waits for the talking to stop. When that doesn't work, he glares at them until all talking ceases. Itachi explains quietly that their first assignment is to draw their favorite memory. He lists some examples: childhood, your first kiss (the girls giggle and stare hungrily at Itachi), anything at all.

Itachi does role call and decides to memorize their names out of sheer boredom. He also supposes not knowing might cause some future embarrassment and as an Uchiha, Itachi does not do embarrassment.

The girls get to work quickly, marking up their paper so they'll have something to show Itachi as he circles the room. The boys are less enthusiastic. They grumble and are more interested in talking to their friends.

The girls flip their hair and ask Itachi to help them with their technique. Itachi sends Deidara over to them. However, Deidara often ends up arguing with the girls and Itachi must settle the argument.

"But Itachi, what they're doing – it's not art! This is art class!"

Itachi glances down at the paper to see what's got Deidara so upset. The girl drew something that resembled a..horse? Person? Thing?

"What is your subject matter?" he asks the dark haired girl. Her eyes are wide and remind him of Sasuke. He blinks. The girl twists her hands in her lap.

"It's a centaur," she mumbles. She titters nervously.

"Of course it is." And Itachi can see it now. Well, sort of. He supposes, if you turn it upside down…Fed up, Itachi nods to the girl who promptly blushes fuchsia. Itachi then proceeds to spend the rest of the class avoiding Deidara. Of course, he tells himself he's not

Deidara shoots him smiles across the room which Itachi ignores. Itachi tells himself he's not being avoidant.

The bell rings and Itachi is grateful. He dismisses the class and hurriedly packs up his things. Deidara catches him by the arm before he can escape.

"Itachi." Deidara is trying very hard to look Itachi in the eye.

"What?" Itachi looks through him to the door.

"Orochimaru's still around. Don't worry," Deidara adds quickly, seeing the wary expression in Itachi's eyes intensify. "I'm not with him anymore. Orochimaru hangs with a different crowd these days."

Itachi's eyebrows rise at that information. It makes sense. He crosses his arms. "So he created his own gang. Orochimaru never was a follower."

Deidara nods.

"Who leads Akutsuki then?"

"I don't know. They just call him, 'Leader'".

Itachi smirks. "Who are you with? This 'Leader' or Orochimaru?"

Deidara shakes his head. "I'm done with gangs."

That makes Itachi almost smile. That's what he'd thought. But now…

"Does Kisame go to school here?"

Deidara shakes his head. "No. He's with Orochimaru at the public school."

"Kisame joined him?"

"No. He doesn't even go to school here."

That doesn't make any sense, Itachi thinks to himself. Why would Kisame approach Sasuke? Why ask Sasuke to deliver a kiss? And why, Itachi wonders angrily, can't the fucking past stay in the past?


	13. Chapter 13

Itachi waits outside the school for a full minute before remembering Sasuke isn't coming. Something about going home with Naruto. Itachi isn't sure Sasuke wasn't just pretending to have a life. Itachi catches a tall kid with glasses staring at him. It's his hair, the light, almost silvery quality to it reminds him of Kakashi. He stares back. The kid accepts the unspoken dare and walks over.

"Kabuto. " He sticks out a hand. "And of course, you're Itachi Uchiha."

Itachi lightly grasps it out of politeness. Kabuto won't release his hand. Itachi could get out of it if he wanted, but he wants to see what Kabuto wants. Anyway, better to let the enemy assume you're weak. Itachi pauses. Enemy? Yes. Somehow, though they've just met, Itachi is sure Kabuto is bad news.

"Welcome back," Kabuto says, his tone idle. "So, what've you been up to these past few years?"

"Studying abroad in England." Let him figure out if it's a lie or not. It was a lie, but Kabuto didn't know that.

"And Sasuke?"

Itachi doesn't miss a beat. "In Pennsylvania."

"Why are you back?"

"Tachi!"

They both turn to see Kakashi gliding towards them. "I thought we were meeting in the parking lot," Kakashi says when he reaches them.

"Have you seen Sasuke?"

"Saw him leave with Naruto. I made sure they put on their seatbelts."

_What's this about? Is Kabuto bothering you? _

_You two know each other?_ Itachi raises one eyebrow.

"Well, it was lovely chatting with you Itachi Uchiha. I'm sure I"ll see you around."

He walks away, waving backwards. Itachi stares after him.

_The fuck was that about?_

Kakashi shrugs. _No clue. Kabuto's full of it. _But he won't look Itachi in the eyes either.

"Shall we go home?"

Itachi's lips twitch. _Did I invite you? _

Kakashi sighs. _You make things so difficult, Tachi. I just want to be with you. Get used to it. _

But that was the problem, Itachi thinks to himself, looking away from his boyfriend. He doesn't know he wants to get used to it.


	14. Chapter 14

"Explain." Itachi taps his foot, trying to hide his impatience.

Kakashi's who-me? expression merely grates on his nerves.

"Kabuto's Orochimaru's right hand man these days," Kakashi explains, stuffing his hands into his jacket pockets.

"But let's talk about in the car, mm?" Kakashi advises, leading the way to Itachi's car.

Itachi keeps his gaze on the road, left hand on the steering wheel. He allows Kakashi to hold his hand. The older man traces Itachi's knuckles, sliding over the back of his hand. The movements send shivers up Itachi's spine, but he fights to show no outward reaction.

"You have no need to be worried, Tachi." _I'll_ protect you.

Itachi slips his hand out from under Kakashi's, switching deftly to driving with his right hand.

"I'm not. I can protect myself." Itachi narrows his eyes, irritation flashing dangerously.

Kakashi leaves his hand where it is, not because he thinks Itachi will change his mind and take it (Itachi is the most prideful person Kakashi knows), but so Itachi knows it's there.

"I know." Then it clicks into place for Kakashi and he curses himself for not spotting it sooner. In a voice as even as he can manage, Kakashi adds, "Sasuke will be fine too."

"He won't have to be," Itachi replies sharply. "I will not get anyone else involved. Especially not Sasuke." His voice catches, the silent _not-again_ resounding in Kakashi's head, his heart.

"This isn't about Sasuke. It's about Rei, too." Kakashi tries to hide the jealousy in his voice. Itachi hears it anyway.

"Worry not, Hatake. I have no love for that pathetic excuse for a human being. He is a waste of space and nothing more."

Kakashi notes the resolve on those slender shoulders, and his heart breaks for the twenty two year old.

Itachi bluntly changes the subject.

"Where shall I drop you off?" He bites his lip to keep from asking where Kakashi lives. It's none of his business, regardless of what Kakashi would like to think.

Kakashi does not look surprised that he isn't invited to Itachi's. But he looks disappointed even though he knows better. "The library's fine."

Itachi nods. The pull up in front of the library and Kakashi gets out. He comes around to the driver's side and motions for Itachi to roll the window down.

"Hey, I'll come over tonight."

Itachi opens his mouth and Kakashi holds up a hand to forestall him. "After Sasuke's asleep."

Itachi closes his mouth. He gives Kakashi a slanted smile and Kakashi's heart constricts.

Later.

Kakashi leans in - he can't help himself - and catches Itachi's soft lips with his own chapped ones. It's a bruising kiss, laced with desire.

Then it's over and Kakashi is watching him drive away, the feel of Itachi's lips lingering in his wake.

_Nice try, Uchiha. But this relationship goes both ways. I know when you're lying, too._


	15. Chapter 15

Itachi hears the sound of laughter in the kitchen as he opens the back door. He doesn't announce his presence; it is his house after all. Sasuke should be able to sense him anyway. He wanders into the kitchen. Not because he's nosy; he's thirsty.

"So then Sakura said..Oh, hi Itachi."

Naruto grins uncertainly at Itachi who simply stares back. Sasuke, whose back is to him, turns his head to check that it really is his brother. Who else would it be, Itachi wonders dryly.

"Naruto." Itachi inclines his head. "It's nice to see you. How are things?"

Itachi opens the fridge, gets out a carton of Newman's Own ice tea and Sasuke throws him a glass. Itachi easily catches it.

"Don't throw glass, Sas," Itachi says automatically but he doesn't really care. Sasuke's aim is good and Itachi's reflexes would never allow him to miss. Sasuke looks at his brother suspiciously. What does Itachi think he's doing, playing at normal?

Even Naruto can tell something's up. He scratches his head. "Uh, fine, Itachi. How was England?"

Itachi raises the glass to his lips, drains its contents. He puts the glass on the counter. "Beautiful. It was a valuable learning experience. You should definitely think about taking a year abroad."

Sasuke conceals a snort. Itachi wrote him at least once a week, mostly to bitterly complain about the dreary weather.

"Maybe. That is, if Sasuke comes too." Naruto glances at Sasuke.

"I don't think so. I couldn't leave Itachi here all alone fend off his rapid fangirls." Sasuke keeps his tone light but he's not joking.

Sasuke's eyes swing towards Itachi. _You'd miss me, Itachi. Right? _

Itachi's dark eyes glitter. Sasuke isn't sure whether Itachi's displeased or thrilled by his silent question.

"I think that's a grand idea." Itachi's soft, velveteen voice is undecipherable. He abruptly turns his attention to Naruto.

"So, Naruto, why are you here?"

"_Itachi." _

Naruto laughs openly at Sasuke's reaction. The merry sound bounces in the kitchen. Sasuke can't remember the last time anyone has laughed in this kitchen. "No, Sasuke, it's fine.I mean, I haven't seen you guys in forever." He glances at Sasuke before focusing back on Itachi. "Sasuke and I are working on this Shakespeare project."

"Oh, that's nice. I'll leave you two, then. I'll be upstairs if you need anything."

Itachi inclines his head at both of them before disappearing, the door swinging shut behind him. Naruto jiggles his leg, suddenly figedty. He looks at Sasuke hopefully, wanting Sasuke to take the inititive and _do _something_. _Sasuke had asked Naruto to drive him home, something about Itachi being a stupid idiot. Not that Naruto needs an excuse. Contrary to what he said on the phone, Naruto knows Sasuke has changed. Sasuke doesn't smile as easily anymore, which is a shame because his smile is really something beautiful.

"C'mon, Naruto. Let's go play video games."

"Your room?" Naruto asks, trying not to sound too enthusiastic.

Sasuke shoots him a strange look. "No, I don't have a TV in my room. We'll go to the den." He hesitates, then takes a hold of Naruto's hand. "Let's go," he says, making it sound like a question.

Naruto can feel himself blush. He looks down at their joined hands. It feels so right, like a part of him had been missing. _Geez_, Naruto thinks happily, _how cliché. _But that doesn't stop him from holding on and regretting the inevitable moment when he'll have to let go.


	16. Chapter 16

Kakashi rubs the heels of his palms into Itachi's bare back. Up and down, up and down. Harder. More force. He's straddling the Uchiha and if he leans forward just so Itachi can feel his hard on.

Itachi sighs contentedly. His elbows are out to the side, chin propped on the backs of his hands.

"I think you missed your calling," Itachi says. His back arches almost displacing Kakashi.

"I'm only _this_ good for you." He is playful. Because he enjoys touching Itachi. Reassuring himself that Itachi is really human and he can't just up and disappear like a ghost. Then his tone is serious, though he tries to make it remain light.

"Not that I mind," Kakashi begins, keeping his tone light, "but why have you come back?"

There is a pregnant pause in which Itachi does not say anything. That's fine; Kakashi is prepared. Well, sort of. Kakashi pushes on. "You know Sasuke's not safe with the old gang still around. Orochimaru has yet to make an appearance, but I'm sure he will once he hears your back."

"Who of the old crowd is still around?" Itachi's tone is of mild interested.

Kakashi rattles them off. "Kabuto, Kisame, Deidara-"

Itachi interrupts, "Deidara's harmless. He told me he's done."

Kakashi makes a considering noise. "Well, that's that." He thumps his fists against Itachi's back, making an echoing noise.

"I talked to Kisame this afternoon while I was at the library. He asked me something strange."

Silence. _I don't like where this is going. _"Go on."

"He asked, and I quote, 'So you're Itachi's new boy toy?'"

"And what did you say?"

"You're missing the point. He knows, Tachi. About Rei. About what happened four years ago. Now, I have to ask, is Rei dead or alive?"

"I don't like the way you said that, Kashi," Itachi says slowly. Then, "I think he's alive."

"What?" Kakashi presses the tips of his fingers into the muscled back. Itachi groans lowly.

"Something isn't right." Something that Deidara said won't stop bouncing around Itachi's mind. Orochimaru, Itachi knows, is supposed to be in jail serving time. Yet apparently Kisame is with him at the public school. Hmm.

Kakashi barges into his thoughts. "Do...I mean, are you still in love with Rei?"

"Would it matter?" Itachi gives a crooked smile.

Kakashi knows that Itachi is being nice; he knows Kakashi will not like the answer. Kakashi feels something inside him crumble. He has to make a choice. Tell Itachi what he needs to know...or not. Maybe it's the same difference. Kakashi does not know and can't trust himself to speak. But the words force their way out. "I think you are right. And...you should know that these days he's calling himself something else."

Itachi does not ask how Kakashi gleaned his information or why. "Oh?"

"He calls himself Shin. His brother Sai is Sasuke's age. Anyway, back to my original question. Why did you come back?"

Itachi tells him the truth. He wants to find Rei, Shin, or whatever the hell he is calling himself these days.

"You're not serious." But he is.

"And just what are you planning to do?" Kakashi demands.

But Itachi is done talking. Kakashi digs his finger nails into Itachi's slightly flushed skin. If it hurts Itachi, he can't tell.


	17. Chapter 17

I don't know how but Naruto and I are friends again. He comes over every day now. We're in the den with the TV on and the wii controllers tossed aside. I haven't practiced in years but I still managed to win every round of Mario Kart battle. Naruto wanted to keep going but I got bored of winning so easily.

We're sitting on the couch. Naruto is fidgeting and I'm aware of my horrible hosting skills.

"Sorry, I know this isn't much fun."

He punches me on the shoulder. "It's okay, Sas. I like being with you. Anyway, we should probably start on that Shakespeare project, right? I have no idea how to write a sonnet..."

Naruto starts talking to me about Shakespeare sonnets and I stop paying attention. I'm too busy thinking about Itachi. Something isn't right. There's a half-formed thought in my head. No, not a thought...more like a memory. I close my eyes, my focus on that distant recollection...What happened a couple years ago? What happened with Itachi?

"Sasuke, I can go if you want me to."

And the thought vanishes. My eyes snap open. Naruto is staring at me and I know he really doesn't want to go. He wants me to ask him to stay.

"You can stay if you promise to be quiet."

Naruto has this little frown on his mouth and it's really kind of cute. And because I know it's what he wants I casually ask him if he wants to go up to my room. His response is pure exuberance. I reflect that it's been two months since we started hanging out. He's never seen my room before. We always hang out downstairs. Naruto's smile is so bright it unnerves me. He's up and putting away the wii. I turn off the TV and then he's pulling at my hand, eager to go to my room.

"Do you even know where my room is?" I muse.

"Yeah, it's just up here isn't it?"

I let him drag me, half-laughing as we go up the stairs.

I sit on my bed and Naruto hesitates before joining me. He sprawls backwards, kicking off his shoes. I turn and look at him. "Our bags are in the kitchen," I point out.

"Oh, um. Should I get them?" Naruto starts to sit up. I put a hand on his chest. He looks at it like he's never seen a hand before.

"Nah, we can get them later," I mutter. I lean down and Naruto reddens. He can't stop staring at my hand. I bring my face very close to his. Then Naruto beams those eyes on me...He looks so very damn kissable but I can't bring myself to do it. I want to, of course. What's wrong with me?

"I'm sorry."

For a second I don't know who said it. Then I realize Naruto's mouth is still moving. "I'm sorry, Sasuke. But this is too much."

He starts to push himself up and this time I let him. My hand falls off him, suddenly heavy.

There's a knock at the door. _Thank god_, I think.

Kakashi pokes his head in. In my surprise I forget to school my expression and I scowl. Kakashi has the grace to look embarrassed.

"I'll, um, go get our bags, Sasuke?" Naruto asks awkwardly in the silence.

I forgot Naruto too. "Yeah, thanks."

He bolts from the room. Kakashi let's him pass.

"Hey, kiddo." Kakashi takes a few steps into my room.

"Hey," I reply shortly. I hate that he's stealing Itachi from me. Itachi is mine. I don't care that they have their own language. Itachi and I have the same blood flowing through our veins.

"Itachi's not here," I point out.

"I know, I came to see you."

I can't help it; a sneer curls the corners of my mouth. I wish he'd go away.

"Do you think you could send Naruto home?"

"No, I don't."

Naruto coughs. "Um, actually I think I should go."

"Oh, okay. How are you getting home?"

"I can walk it." Naruto won't look at me. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"See you," I say because I don't know what else to say. Sorry for trying and failing to kiss you?

"Can I sit down?" Kakashi asks, arms folding.

"Whatever." I shrug.

Kakashi sits on my bed.

"What do you want?"

"I noticed you weren't sitting with Naruto and his friends today at lunch."

What? "So?"

"Who were you sitting with?" Kakashi prompts.

"Just a friend. We have some classes together."

"What is your friend's name?"

"Why do you care?"

"I find it strange you don't know his name, seeing as you have classes together."

Kakashi is smiling and it's really pissing me off.

"His name is Sai," I give in because I want Kakashi gone and I see he won't until he gets what he wants.

"And what did you talk about?"

Kakashi is watching my reaction closely but I feel myself going pale.

"Sasuke, what did he say?"

I look out the window. It's pitch black.

"Tell me. What did he say?" Kakashi's voice is urgent.

I barely understand the words as I say them. They didn't make sense when Sai said them and they don't make sense now. "That Itachi killed someone. His brother."


	18. Chapter 18

Now that he's got Kakashi, Itachi won't come to Sasuke. So Sasuke figures he'll have to go to him. Itachi thinks sex will screw Sasuke up even more. Like that's even possible, Sasuke thinks dryly.

Even though he has Naruto and he's pretty sure he has a crush for the guy, he still wants his brother. Still wants the warmth and protection only Itachi can give him. He doesn't want Naruto giving him security just yet. He likes the friendship as it is now. Easy and fun so he doesn't have to think about it.

Some part of him will always want Itachi. Will want to be with him in _that_ way, in every way. Sasuke also knows it's unrealistic. Yet he can't stop hoping Itachi will look at him with longing. So Itachi comes home to find Sasuke waiting for him in bed. To Sasuke's surprise, Itachi climbs into bed next to him. He lies down and Sasuke curls himself into Itachi's chest. Itachi inhales Sasuke's unique scent. He wonders if this is really such a good idea. Then he decides he doesn't care. Itachi's hand touches the side of Sasuke's head. Sasuke's entire body goes still.

"Sasuke? What's wrong?" _You always want to touch me._

"I can't, Itachi. I don't want to hurt you." Sasuke's voice is soft with pain. "It's okay, Itachi. Orochimaru hurt you. I don't want you to hurt anymore."

But maybe it's because Itachi's started loving someone else that Sasuke can't do this.

"What?"

"Kakashi told me. I know everything." Sasuke arranges himself so he's looking straight at his brother.

"What?" Itachi repeats.

"Orochimaru raped you. I don't know how to make that better."

Sasuke's dark eyes glimmer with tears. Itachi frowns.

"That's not what happened," Itachi intervenes before Sasuke completely breaks down.

"I was twelve when I met Shin, or Rei as he callled himself then. He was scarily emotionless. The only time he smiled was when his young friend Sai was around. Him, me, and Kakashi grew up together." Itachi made a face. "We were special. Perhaps a little too special. We were recruited by gangs."

"Gangs?"

"Yes, rowdy teenagers became productive in their boredom and formed gangs. It was harmless fun mostly. Until Orochimaru joined their ranks. Then it went horribly wrong. Orochimaru was a few years older than us. He was into drugs. He got Shin addicted. It's how he got members."

"That's messed up."

"Orochimaru tried to get me hooked too. He wanted me badly."

"What did you do?"

"I gave them Deidara," Itachi admits quietly.

"What?"

"Look, everyone wanted me to be in their gang but I didn't want any of that. I persuaded them that Deidara would be a better suited. He liked blowing things up. But it didn't end there. Orochimaru doesn't like being turned down. He asked me to come down and chat. So I did. Shin was there, drugged on god knows what. They raped Rei in front of me."

"And that's why we left?"

"No...we left because I found out Orochimaru wanted you. Deidara told me."

It's so horrible Sasuke can barely comprehend any of it. Still, there is something that doesn't make sense. "And four years ago?"

"I finished high school." Itachi's holding back, Sasuke can feel it.

"No, I remember now. You disappeared. Our parents didn't notice but I did."

"Before I went to college I thought I'd come back to make sure it was truly over."

"And?"

"I found out Rei was diagnosed with AIDS."

And with that sentence it all comes rushing back.

_Itachi sits in his room, thinking. It's too much. He should never have come back. He is numb. One of his oldest friends is dead. It's his fault. The phone rings and Itachi forces himself to answer it. _

"_Itachi Uchiha." The voice is an angry hiss.  
_

"_Hello? Sai, is that you?"  
_

"_How do you live with yourself? You killed Shin. You killed him!"_

_Itachi pretends he wasn't thinking the same thing._"_Your brother died of HIV,"is what he says instead. Cool and logical. Not his fault.  
_

"_He was raped because of you! It's your fault he's dead!" Sai is dead-set in his conviction and the cracking sound of a heart breaking can be sussed.  
_

_Itachi closes his eyes. "I'm sorry but you're wrong. Shin wanted to go into the gang. He wanted-"_

_Sai is shrieking at him. "He wanted you! He wanted to impress you! He loved you!" So much hatred.  
_

"_They could never have Sasuke." _

"_You chose your brother over your best friend."_

"_Yes." The word tastes bitter in his mouth but he knows he'd do it again. This phone call has only hardened his resolve to make sure that darkness never touches Sasuke's innocence._

Sasuke brings Itachi back to reality with a soft kiss on the cheek.

"I love you, Itachi."

And then Itachi utters the words Sasuke will never tire of hearing, the words he lives for: "I love you."


	19. Chapter 19

I'm one of the few people who aren't completely bowled over by Itachi. See, my brother has charmed and manipulated just about everyone. There's just something about him that makes people gravitate towards him, makes them grovel and worship him. I'm not jealous – I don't want the trait, which is good since it seems I didn't inherit it. Because while everyone thinks Itachi walks on water, no one is ever themselves around him. Some people pretend to be what they think Itachi will like. And no one knows what Itachi's thinking which renders the entire thing a bit pointless. But it makes Itachi smile, though, so I guess it's okay. And he controls this power, Itachi does, he molds them into whatever he needs.

Ah, who am I kidding? I worship him just as much, if not more, than everyone else. Because I know he loves me. He has to. He said so last night, didn't he?

Unless that was just a dream. I'm awake, have been for a couple minutes but keep my eyes shut. I stretch out my arms and my hand touch the cool heat of skin.

What else happened last night? Did we...? But no, I'm still in my clothes and the ache in my body resides in my chest.

Suddenly the heat is gone and so is Itachi. The door creaks open. I want so desperately to open my eyes but I don't. I hear snippets of Kakashi's voice.

"I know I can't change your mind"

"...Don't try..."

"Is this necessary?"

"Supposed to tell Sasuke?"

"Think of something..."

I try to listen harder.

"Say goodbye?"

The door closes with a snap.

"I know you're awake, Sasuke."

I open my eyes. Kakashi is looking forlorn and denial quickens my heart.

_No..._That's all I can think.

_I'm sorry, Sasuke. He's gone. _

_He's not gone! He left you, Kakashi. He didn't leave me. _

Kakashi's response is silence.

_He didn't leave me. He can't have...He was just here. Moments ago...He can't be gone...Last night..last night...I remember the way he tugged me into a tight embrace that hurt but I clung back. His mouth crashed down on mine. He broke away, realizing what he was doing. I let out a soft involuntary gasp. I didn't want him to stop. _

I can feel the wetness on my face. I smile tremulously.

I manage to whisper, "He didn't say goodbye."

I close my eyes again, unable to bear the pity in Kakashi's gaze.

I tell myself that it's going to be okay. He'll come back for me. He has to. But a part of me whispers that last night was his final farewell. And it isn't like this was some secret. Hadn't Itachi told me from the start? In the car, back when we first arrived.

_"We're here. Take a look at your old home." _

I pointed out that it was our home. But I was wrong to say that. This wasn't Itachi's home. But Itachi, perfect, genius Itachi was wrong too. It wasn't my home either. My home was with my brother.

I thought I understood the phrase "love now, hurt later". I thought it was the reason we moved back here. I thought Itachi was selfish, wanting to love Kakashi and save the hurt for later. I was wrong. All this time, Itachi's been hurting.

And I'm not sure where my brother is right now, but I don't doubt he'll come back for me. Because he was right at the same time; he can't just turn off his heart. I can't turn mine off either. We have to deal with our emotions, all of them. Love and hurt aren't two emotions, not for us Uchihas. They are two sides of the same coin. Itachi hurts me because he loves me. I love him for hurting me, for loving me so much that it hurts both of us.

~Fin~


End file.
